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Purple Prose – Arch Villain Strikes Again by ZA Maxfield

Oh, how mighty is my sorrow when I think of the books I’ve slain… My bosom heaves, my brow furrows. Tears drip like rain. Blood runs in rivers like thick, dark wine. Meaty manflesh rises at my bidding, plunging like sausages into tight, tender rosebuds of fluttering anal muscles that grip like pythons and clench and milk stuff. (They MILK STUFF?) Women’s parts weep like honey and flow like sap and glisten and goodness only knows what the hell else.

I am Purple Prose. I am a gate-crasher. I am a line-crosser.  And I will eat your lunch. (Then sometimes, I’ll make you throw it up after, just for giggles.)

I’m not going to single anyone out here, and seriously, man. I’m not casting that first stone. We all try shit that doesn’t work. I’ve HEARD my editors clear their throats from several states away. Thank heavens God made editors. They provide that much needed reality-check for aspiring authors everywhere.

To see what I mean, it only takes a little trip to our beloved “weepingcock” community at live journal HERE: weepingcock

Let us refer to the text shall we? There’s an abundance of You Might Be A…(Fill in the Blank) self-help books out there. To that I’d add:

You might be a friend of Purple Prose if you’ve ever written…

Anyone’s anus itched to have someone inside it.

This isn’t prose. It’s an STD.

eloquent phallic erection

Okay, hello. Talking dick?

The ultimate male explosion

To be fair this came from a vitamin supplement add. But it made me wonder about the penultimate male explosion and from exactly where on a man’s body that might come.

And for the ladies…

hot slimy fluids into her sexually ravaged swampy depths

There are no lengths to which some women’s swampy depths won’t go to build up a good head of SLIME.

bathed him in her cherry-red smile (Credit belongs to Jonathon Franzen for this one.)

Jonathon, I know you can take criticism from me all the way to the bank, laughing. But seriously. Dude. I liked the “jismic, grunting butt-oink”. But the cherry red smile? No can do, man. Purple Prose has flown over your WIP once too often and left a surprise you forgot to wipe off.

ZA Maxfield is a romantic, erotic writer. You can find out more about her at her site: http://zamaxfield.com/

Here is some information on her latest release:

Stirring Up Trouble
ZA Maxfield
Manlove Romance Press
Available in Ebook & Print
LGBT Contemporary Romance
Buy at:
Amazon
MLR Press

Blurb:
Toby Andrews is cooking up more than a little trouble for Evan Blankenship. Because of pranks, indiscretions, and plain bad timing, his ability to work in New York’s temples of haute cuisine is a thing of the past. When Toby’s sister tells him he should look up an acquaintance whose restaurant — Le Potiron –is failing, he doesn’t have much choice.

Pretty soon he’s in bed, literally, with a cook who hates people, trying to save a restaurant that only the neighborhood mothers seem to love, and on the verge of another –possibly painful — lesson or two about what it means to be successful.

Evan hates everyone but Toby. Toby likes to stir things up. See what’s on the menu at Le Potiron, in Stirring Up Trouble.

For more information about her latest release, Stirring up Trouble, please click on the cover.

Call for M/M Romance and Yaoi Bloggers

Picture from www.homotography.com

As most of you may have heard, I put out a call last week for authors and readers of M/M Romance and Yaoi to be guest bloggers right here. There was a really great response and I’m pleased to say that for the next few months, there should be some fun discussion from avid readers and authors alike about the subject. I’ve asked the bloggers to talk about things like:

  • Why they write M/M Romance or Yaoi
  • What funny or interesting things they have come across in the M/M Romance and Yaoi genres
  • Purple Prose (you know, those wacky ways us authors like to describe sex)
  • Why do they think women like M/M Romance and Yaoi
  • Any funny quirks of the genre and so on.

Some of the authors I’ve already booked are (in order of appearance):

  • ZA Maxfield
  • Amber Kell
  • Belinda McBride
  • Louisa Brown
  • Julie Hayes
  • Laura Tolemei

Plus I’ve got a few readers to blog as well. If anyone reading this wants to join in and guest blog, please contact me at: Contact

All in all, it should be a fun couple of months here, so please check by often to see what’s up. Of course, I’ll be announcing the guest bloggers at all my usual places, Twitter, Facebook and MySpace (Links and follow info to the right there).

And that picture at the top, holy cow – I swear that is exactly what I picture Logan to look like in my next full-length novel, “Secrets“.

Yaoi, M/M Romance Character Interview: Shannon Sullivan

I thought it would be fun to post some “character interviews” from my books and maybe give some further insight to their background and such. First off – Shannon Sullivan, the main character from “A Summer Without Rain.” If you haven’t read the book, here’s a quick blurb and you can access more information here. If you’ve read it, feel free to skip the blurb;)

The picture to the left there is my first character sketch of Shannon. It’s very rough and I used charcoal and paper as the medium, then of course took a photo of it and uploaded it from my camera. The paper this is drawn on is 18×24 inches, so it’s huge! I wanted him to look pensive and a bit shy:) Anyhow, thought anyone reading this might get a kick out of seeing my first impression of him. Maybe I should call this “Behind the Book”, LOL.

Blurb:

In 1920’s Ireland, Shannon understands all too well that the love and hunger he feels for his best friend, Ciaran, is forbidden.  He’s already shunned by his town and emotionally damaged from enduring painful confessions after a male teacher’s molestation at age fourteen.  But when he finds Ciaran in a barn, grieving over the sudden death of his mother, a hasty and desperate embrace shatters an unspoken boundary between them.  Then, Shannon and Ciaran are sent on a journey to Dublin to bring a family heirloom to Ciaran’s aunt.  Along the way, a drunken evening leads to an illicit act in a hotel room, confusing Ciaran and forcing them both down a treacherous path of deceit and desire.  Can love overcome the obstacles of Irish society, the Catholic Church, and political unrest?

So, on with the interview (and yes, we’re back in 1920’s Ireland. Fiction is magic, you know):

Me: I’m sitting here at a small square table in a dark Irish pub called, McFlynne’s Whiskey River, with Shannon Sullivan from “A Summer without Rain”.

Me: *turns to Shannon* Hi, Shannon, it’s great to see you again after what was it, two years now?

Shannon: Almost two years. I’ve been quite busy, you know, in all that time.

Me: Busy doing what?

Shannon: *blushes and looks away* Getting ready for a serious thing with Ciaran.

Me: Serious? What sort of serious thing?

Shannon: *wringing hands* Well, seems we’ve come to a point where just living together in Aunt Iona’s flat isn’t enough. We want our own place, a bloody right place for us. One with thick walls and windows that shut real tight now.

Me: *laughing* So no one hears you having sex?

Shannon: *eyes wide* Christie, I can’t believe you would bloody say that! I thought you were a right decent woman…

Me: I’m the one that wrote all those torrid sex scenes, remember?

Shannon: *blushes again* Right… *he looks up at me with a twinkle in his eye* And I bloody well thank you for that.

Me: Okay, so how are you and Ciaran doing?

Shannon: Ah, he’s all right. I do love the bloody bastard and all, but sometimes he angers me something fierce. *sits forward in his chair* Like the other day, he thought it was a grand idea to write a letter to me ma and da, trying to explain how much their silence over these years pains me. And now they’re coming out from Enfield to see me. Can you bloody believe that? I about shat myself.

Me: *smiling and taking Shannon’s hand* I’m glad they’re finally coming to see you. And you should thank Ciaran for loving you so much that he did that for you. It must have been one hell of a letter to get them to actually come out. It’s got to be  a very tough thing for them to face.

Shannon. Yeah, Aunt Iona and Ciaran’s da say they’ll stand behind me no matter what when they come. But I’m bloody petrified. What if me da tries to have me arrested or sent off to the bloody nuthouse?

Me: Arrested? I don’t think so…

Shannon: But he bloody well could.

Me: I don’t think so.

Shannon: *looks around a moment* I s’pose Aunt Iona and Mr. O’Kelly would put  stop to it.

Me: Don’t worry, Shannon. Ciaran would be the one who’d put a stop to it. You know he’d find a way and I doubt he’d allow your dad to visit knowing that something like that might happen. He loves you and I know he’d do anything for you.

Shannon: *smiles* Yeah, the bloody bastard.

Me: So how’ve you gotten on here in Dublin?

Shannon: Bloody great, actually. I have lots of friends now and even female friends that don’t care so much about me and Ciaran. I guess they’re more like Aunt Iona. See, we all belong to this sort of underground club. One that’s just for people like us, you know, *chuckles* people who like mint ice cream. In fact, that’s what we call it.

Me: Mint ice cream?

Shannon: *sits back and shakes head* No, the Mint Club. Aunt Iona started it before we even came down here the first time. Now it’s all bleedin’ political and stuff.

Me: *smiles* So did you ever learn how to drive a car?

Shannon: *frowns and rubs table surface with fingers* Sort of.

Me: Sort of ? Is that a no? *chuckles*

Shannon: No, that’s a sort of. I bloody hate driving automobiles and I can’t fathom why Ciaran can’t just leave it be.

Me: I got a hint for you, *sits forward* they’re not going away.

Shannon: Ah hell.

And there you have it. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I liked writing it;) Oh, and the picture on the right, there, is the final drawing of Shannon for the book cover. If you click on it, it’ll open up bigger:)